(Chuck has come up here already, around 7:30. He let himself into the house, shouted up the steps to ask if I was up yet and said that he was just going to take some eggs, which he did, and left again. Note to self: keep the kitchen tidy in case of unexpected guests. Yesterday it was Michael and Suzanne who came to take eggs; I met them coming up the drive as I was leaving and told them to help themselves. It's like that here on the ranch.)
Yesterday I mowed the lawn, for about an hour. The mower is slow and there's a cup holder so I took a can of water out with me and ruminated on some of what Matt and I have been discussing. We've been on FaceTime at least once every day that I've been gone, more often twice, having interesting conversations and doing our best to stay close through the separation. There's a lot to think about.
The past two weeks have been a roller coaster. It's overwhelming to be here, so different in so many ways from where I've been, and every day the newness requires mindfulness discipline that I am not practicing as much as I should. I'm anxious and/or happy by the minute. It distracts me from painting. I'm worried about things I don't have control over and worried that the worrying will itself lead to something worrisome.
But I have been painting, and it will get easier. Most days feel a little more settled than the one before.
There is an overly friendly thumb-sized tarantula hanging out on the table about two feet from my knees. Also distracting.
So today is a painting day and I'm clearly stalling but it's also a reflective day and a chance to practice breathing, trusting, detaching from desired outcomes, and being present in this moment. That will help with painting and with not blowing shit up, too. My plan today is to create aggressively and make a mess of only my workspace.
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